One Year

One year has come and gone. I wanted to blog yesterday, but I was coming down with a lovely head cold and here I am today sneezing tears... Oh well. Yesterday wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. Although I was short tempered and easily annoyed by everything and everyone around me. I could blame that on the anniversary and getting sick.

After much thought and a much needed nap on the couch, I decided that we should remember mom by going to Wendy's and getting Frosty's. Frosty's and Carvel cakes were her favorite deserts, but I couldn't quite justify remembering her yesterday with a Carvel cake as it didn't seem like a joyous occasion. We all enjoyed our Frosty's and at the end of the day I was satisfied with the way we chose to remember her.

grrr

As if I didn't already feel like crap because I was sad, now I feel like I'm coming down with a cold.

Here is a little excerpt of song that reminds me of losing my mom. It was on the radio a lot last summer and I think I heard it either right before or right after finding out she was gone. She probably never heard of it, but the lyrics sum up my feelings and get me all choked up every time.

It's not the middle of the night, it ain't even raining outside, it's not exactly what I had in mind, for goodbye. At that red light in the sunshine on a Sunday, nothing to say, don't even try. Some are coming home, some are leaving town, while my world's crashing down on a Sunday in the sunshine, at that red light... Red Light by David Nail

It's been awhile

Wow. I can't believe it's been about a month since the last time I blogged. Not much is going on here. The summer is coming to a close, we took 3 trips, and two of them was with family. After the last one I think I took about a week to recuperate.

But now I am back. I need an outlet for my feelings again as I feel walls closing in on me. In two days it will be 1 year that my mom has been gone and I am in complete disbelief about that every time I think about it. How has it been 1 year already? Why does it feel like she has been gone longer but I feel like I just talked to her recently? I can still hear her voice in my head. Will I ever forget how she sounds? (Ha, probably not as long as her voice is still on her answering machine).

I'm dreading everything about Monday. I don't want to talk to anybody or do anything. But how can you escape life when you have a family to take care of? I can send them out for the day, but do I really want the day to myself? I don't know how to spend the day, or if I should be doing something special to remember her...

I miss her a lot.