Lists

I am a list maker. I used to make lists for everything. I gave up making lists when my mom died. Before mom got sick, my life was pretty predictable, but all of a sudden things were happening that I never could have or wanted to imagine.
Lists were so common place around my home. Lists of what I wanted to get done that day, over the course of the week, even over the month. There were grocery lists, lists of goals, New Year's resolutions lists, lists of things I needed to pack for the hospital, lists of things I wanted to get done before Evan was born.
Evan was supposed to be a scheduled c-section for August 15, 2009. I went into labor on the 8th, but was in denial all night long, why? Because of all of those lists! I wasn't ready and felt like control was ripped out from under me. I had a c-section on the 9th.
If anyone out there wants a wake up call about who is really in control, let me tell you, it's not you. My Lord & Savior is in control. I have been a believer for about two years, but I was always trying to do things my way and on my time.
I called my dad shortly before I went to the hospital, who then told me that my sister was at the hospital(she lives in Mississippi and was due on the 14th). Jed was born 2 or 3 hours before Evan.
Mom's health deteriorated quickly over the next few days, and I spent most of my time in the hospital crying. The day Evan and I were released, my mom was admitted for what doctors thought was just a bad infection from a cat bite and dehydration. Five days later she was put on a respirator.
Rewind 9 months... I found out I was pregnant with Evan right after mom came out of surgery and was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She fought for nine months against stage four cancer. She was my best friend who called me every day, except after chemo when she was too weak. God kept her with me for nine months. He took her away at a fragile time, but at a time when I had a purpose. Sure I had a purpose before, wife, mother, but now I had to take care of a newborn, a baby who needed me around the clock.
I have started making lists again, but not as intensely as I had before. Why? Because life can change in an instant. My home will be cleaned whenever I get to it, God has bigger plans for us.