I am back from my second trip to NY. I made this one by myself to maximize the space in my SUV. My heavy heart has been made heavier by the fact that I must go back at least one more time... AT LEAST! I can't believe how much stuff one person could acquire over a lifetime, a lifetime cut short none the less. And let me reiterate the point that she never threw anything away as I found the invitations to my wedding, my wedding shower, my sister's wedding and shower, even a piece of paper from my registry.
Today I sorted through hand bags... Mom loved hand bags and in the end apparently went on a little(ok big) shopping spree for bags. The majority of the bags are still in the packaging, but the ones that have been used were very used. I mean stuffed to the brim used. I always gave her a hard time about the amount of stuff she had in her bag, but really, I guess I had no idea.
Anyways let me tell you about a dream I had my first night in NY. I ran into mom at church. I was walking with Christopher and there she was. I think she was wearing the outfit she wore to my high school graduation. She was gone, but we could see her. I asked Christopher if he knew who she was, but he didn't, and when I told him he just looked at me with a confused look on his face. She told me I looked great and asked me what she looked like. I told her that she was young and looked great. That was it, but it felt so real, even now, I feel like I just had a visit with her.
I was really sad afterwards because even though I have known this for sometime, it felt like a punch in the gut that Christopher won't remember her, that he doesn't remember her now...
And now I am home again, thrust back into my normal everyday life. I am exhausted, overwhelmed, anxious, and blah...
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