Dreams

I don't know how normal this is, but mom has entered my dreams. I only have one that I remember so far from a few nights ago. Lately I have been having really strange and vivid dreams. It seems like I am always running from someone or something bad on a nightly basis. I guess that would explain the near anxiety attacks as I try to go to sleep every night.

Let me tell you(or maybe just me) about the dream. It was the one year anniversary of mom's death, but she was there... Her husband was dressed in his suit and talking to her on the beach(I live in a beach town). Then it was my turn. I held her and cried, cried, cried. I sobbed that I wasn't ready for her to leave me, why did she have to go. I sobbed so hard, "I NEED YOU." I know it was only a dream, but I swear I physically felt her presence in my dream.

When I was in junior high or high school, I remember browsing through dream journals at the bookstore with my friends. You know, those books that tell you what things in your dreams symbolize? This one seems self explanatory to me, I'm mourning the loss of my mother and I miss her. Some days I don't acknowledge these feelings. I see them in passing and that's all I have time for. I made promises to myself after mom died, and lately I think I am failing at them. No more, here are my promises/goals...
1) Have more fun with my babies, forget about our schedule once in awhile and enjoy the now.
2) Spend as much quality time with my husband as possible and have fun together.
3) Enjoy my hobbies and find new ones.
4) Do things that I have always wanted to do.
5) Tackle nagging tasks.
6) Live in the moment.
7) Don't do without.
8) Make memories.
9) If tomorrow never comes, how will I be remembered?